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The hair-raising secret for achieving higher SAT test scores

October 17, 2011 Comments off

If you’re about to spend $2,000 on a Kaplan SAT prep class, save your money. Rocky shares an untold, hair-raising secret which will improve one’s SAT score for only $4.99.

Last weekend, Rocky drove his youngest daughter to her SAT test.  The crazed, competitive, collegiate- co-ed-to-be carried the consummate commodities:  pencils, calculator, wristwatch, ID card. She also carried the non-essentials:  banana, bag of veggie chips.  bottle of water. Additionally, she brazenly brought  the  backup bag: a dozen spare pencils, spare batteries…

The duo set out on the drive to the test site when Daughter suddenly screamed: “Stop the car. I need to go back home!”

Was this a case of sudden-onset diarrhea? Or perhaps a life-changing revelation that she wanted to skip college and launch the next Apple Computer Company?

Neither.

“Dad – I need a spare Scunci for my hair,” she said.

(Scuncis are those elastic bands that hold long hair in a properly coiffed manner. As Rocky is bald, he views them as useful only as sling shots and holding car tailpipes in place when the rubber hanger fails.)

“You’ve GOT to be kidding,” said Rocky, thinking that Trophy Wife’s frequent  caveats about Bad Hair Days had finally hit home. (Rocky failed to imagine the dire consequences of a  Scunci  that goes  “snap” — somewhere between reading comprehension and vocabulary. Would Daughter suddenly be blinded by her ample golden locks? Might Rocky suffer legal liability if an out-of-control Scunci went sailing across the room and injured a fellow test-taker?”)

Grumbling about “women,” he drove back  home and waited patiently (listening to NPR’s Car Talk), while Daughter ran inside to get a spare Scunci.

Later that day, Rocky asked Daughter about the test, and he also asked which was more useful: the banana or the spare Scunci…

“It’s really good that I had a spare Scunci,” Daughter said. The desks were incredibly tiny and my pencils kept rolling off them and falling on the floor. I used the spare Scunci to tie my spare pencils together and it surely boosted my score by at least 100 points!”

[Disclosure: Indiviudal results may vary.  Unlike the Kaplan Prep Class, the Scunci Company doesn’t offer refunds if  SAT scores fail to improve.]