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The cruelest cut: Yoshi Blade (as seen on TV)

December 16, 2010

The finger injury occurred while opening the plastic wrapper -- not while cutting.

Flush with profits from a recent trade (and a 20% discount coupon), Rocky headed to his local CVS/Pharmacy to treat himself to an indulgence. 

He passed on the bubble bath. (skin allergies)

He passed on the organic chocolate bars. (weight gain)

He passed on the automatic blood pressure monitor. (don’t ask, don’t tell)

 He settled on  Yoshi Blade —  “the one knife whose sharpness is guaranteed.” 

Rocky enjoys late-night informercials, hence he knew Yoshi Blade is a ceramic knife that’s guaranteed to stay sharp; won’t rust or pit; can replace a drawer full of metal knives; is  made of natural eco-friendly materials; and its design is ideal for precision cutting and thin slicing.

After paying $18, he headed home and severely gashed his finger while opening  the sharp plastic wrapper. Alas, Rocky discovered that the plastic wrapper would prove to be a better knife than Yoshi Blade (as seen on TV). 

“When all else fails, read the instructions,” thought Rocky.

Fearful of a paper cut, Rocky carefully unfolded Yoshi Blade Care and Maintenance Guide,  (a booklet containing more detail than  his Dell Computer User Guide.)

From the Guide: (verbatim)

  • DO NOT use Yoshi Blade or the side of the blade to chop food.
  • DO NOT use Yoshi Blade to cut frozen food.
  • DO NOT use Yoshi Blade to cut hard cheeses.
  • DO NOT use Yoshi Blade for carving poultry or meat with bones.
  • DO NOT cut on ceramic plates, marble, stone, glass or tile.
  • DO NOT bend, twist, pry or apply force on the tip or side of the blade.
  • DO NOT use Yoshi Blade to smash garlic or other foods with the side of the blade.
  • DO NOT place Yoshi Blade in or near open flame or heat source, as ceramic blade will get hot.
  • Yoshi Blade is NOT dishwasher safe. Hand wash only in warm water with mild soap and never let Yoshi Blade soak in water for any period of time.

Rocky thought he understood the instructions. Yoshi Blade cannot be used for cutting, carving, chopping, twisting, stirring or any other activity normally reserved for knives.

(It suddenly became clear how Yoshi Blade can replace a drawer full of metal knives:  put Yoshi Blade in a drawer,  and order Chinese Take-Out.)

[Disclosure: Rocky lives dangerously. He put Yoshi Blade in his dishwasher. ]

  1. December 16, 2010 at 6:54 pm

    And of course you could always melt down and recrystalize the Zirconium Oxide for a nice piece of jewelry. Even better if you give the jewelry to your wife, there will be no knives in the house to stab you with!

  2. December 16, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    Dave: Good Idea! But the melting point of zirconium oxide is 2715 degrees C or about 5,000 degrees fahrenheit. That’s hotter than a Rocky Buffalo Wing. (Which is a good thing since Yoshi Blade cannot be used to carve poultry.)

  3. Jeff Watson
    December 18, 2010 at 9:05 am

    I generally use my huge fresnel lens whenever I need high temperatures, or I play with some high voltage electronics to get the desired temps. However, the fresnel is more fun……as a kid I was always trying to use multiple fresnel lenses, prisms etc in order to make my own death ray. I never got it to work until grad school when I used a horn antenna and microwave frequencies with 75 watts PEP. Of course I always had trouble with the resulting impedence mismatch…….of only everything could be 377 ohms, life would be so simple. Anyways the experiments with the horn were not to make a death ray but to jam police radar on the old K band(The death ray was just a bonus for small lab rats)….I had reasonable success in aiming the horn, and was once pulled over after jamming a cop while obviously speeding. He told me how much trouble I was in for blowing out the front end of his radar reciever(He just thought it didn’t work), but I showed him my Ham ticket, 1st class radiotelephone license with radar endorsement, and a few other FCC licenses that I used to collect back then courtesy of the old SAM’s books with all the answers to the tests. The licenases didn’t magtter and I was still cuffed, taken to jail, and my car was towed. The judge ended throwing the whole thing out of court and admonished me to confine my experimentation to the lab. I even beat the speeding ticket.

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