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A dumpling that broke the camel’s back

January 11, 2010

Rocky always re-uses his lunchtime plastic fork. This is not a homage to Al Gore and the greens. Rather, Rocky is just plain cheap.

Rocky calculates that, over a lifetime, re-using his plastic fork should save nearly $1,000. Based on Fidelity’s retirement website, this amount should compound into $10,000 if invested 100% in stocks.

Sadly, a calamity just occurred. The tensile strength of Lean Cusine #17113 (“Asian-Style Pot Stickers”) exceeded the strength of Plastic Fork #15072-CC. A dramatic, violent and frightening fork fracture ensued. (See photo.)

The Lean Cuisine description reads, “Tender dumplings filed with a blend of chicken, cabbage, onion and carrots.” Rocky believes that “tender” is a mischaracterization, and he’s consulting with legal counsel to investigate whether a class action lawsuit should be filed.

[Disclosure: The Lean Cuisine box fine print also states: “CAUTION: Do not prepare in a toaster oven. A reheated plastic tray can warp or melt.” Rocky suggests that Lean Cuisine should add the warning: “Always wear eye protection when using plastic cutlery.”]

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  1. January 11, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    Update: Trophy Wife just emailed Rocky to confirm that he washes the fork after each use, and to suggest that he bring a box of plastic cutlery from home.

    Rocky replied that he never uses soap or water, as that can damage the patina — and reduce the fork’s eventual value as a folk art collectible.

  2. January 12, 2010 at 7:17 pm

    Hmmm. Over a lifetime. Can Rocky shed some light on the amount of interest he might earn in said lifetime by investing his savings of, say, fifty cents per month? (Based on the current estimates of fork life span rather than Rocky’s.)
    Fakename is in complete agreement about the use of soap and water on plastic cutlery. If it can’t be wiped off with a napkin, the food was way too messy to eat again and should be avoided in the future.

  3. January 12, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    Fakename: there’s also the provenance to consider… see:
    http://www.worthpoint.com/worthopedia/elvis-commerative-knife-parker-cutlery-serial

    Rocky has similar aspirations for his plastic cutlery….

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