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Madoff jewelry auction & Valentines Day 2010

November 11, 2009

madoffThe US Marshals Service will auction Bernie Madoff’s possessions on Saturday.  Proceeds will benefit the victims of his fraud. 

For the auction catalog, click on :  http://www.proxibid.com/asp/Catalog.asp?aid=23422

Rocky looked through the odd collection of watches, necklaces and Lynn Swann-autographed footballs (“certificate of authenticity not included.”)

He decided that Lot #7, a heart-shaped pendant would be a perfect Valentines Day gift for Trophy Wife.

Fast forward to Valentines Day 2010….

Rocky (to Trophy Wife) :  “Honey,  I got you a special present for Valentines Day.”

Trophy Wife: “That’s nice. What did you get?”

Rocky:  “It’s an 18KWG heart-shaped pendant set with 7 princess, 4 half-princess & 40 baguette cut diamonds, total weight 2.75 cts.”

Trophy Wife: “Why is it in a brown paper envelope? And not a nice blue Tiffany box?”

Rocky: “Because I got it special. It was a deal.”

Trophy Wife: “A deal? That’s typical.  Let me see, what’s this little paper tag with a star on it?  Hmmm. Marshalls??? You bought me a piece of jewelry at Marshalls????”

Rocky: “No, silly. That’s US Marshals. I always think of you as the Wyatt Earp of our family.”

(Unimpressed, Trophy Wife examines the heart under her jeweler’s loupe.)

Trophy Wife: “Rocky, these diamonds are fake.”

Rocky: “I guess I should have known better. The price was too good to be true.”

[Disclosure: Jewelry gifts purchased at the Madoff auction may contain dangerous levels of bad karma.]

  1. November 11, 2009 at 6:01 pm

    > Lynn Swann-autographed footballs

    I thought that was some sort of special joke but Google says he’s real….

  2. November 11, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    Spencer: If you are a hockey fan, there are autographed Wayne Gretzky hockey sticks too.

  3. David
    November 12, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    Trophy Wife: “Why is it in a brown paper envelope? And not a nice blue Tiffany box?”

    Rocky: “Because I got it special. It was a deal.”

    They, uhh, fell off a truck.

  4. November 14, 2009 at 12:56 pm

    I am SERIOUSLY lol. I recently participated in the pledge drive for our local public radio station, which offers gifts for pledges at various levels. The most expensive is $365 which gives you a signed Bobby Bowden football. Unless you are living in a cave, you know that Bobby Bowden is the head coach for FSU football. Someone in my group thought to ask, does Bobby Bowden actually sign these footballs? The radio rep said, we just say they are signed–we didn’t say who signs them. Oh NO! So Lynn Swann, Bobby Bowden–no wonder there is no certificate of authenticity.

  5. November 14, 2009 at 2:07 pm

    Fakename: The Lynn Swann Football auction is currently bid at $160. Looks like a “steal” (Madoff pun intended) at this price … when compared with your NPR football!

  6. November 14, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    Fakename would have to agree. Paying $160 for an item of inauthentic value (dare I say, “dubious”?) beats the hell out of $365 for an inauthentic item. But what does Fakename know about economics? She is still trying to wrap her mind around “credit default swaps”, which seem to her to be like buying a million Bobby Bowden footballs, then daring someone to ask Bobby if he really signed them.

  7. November 15, 2009 at 5:50 pm

    There is something rather dreadful in the idea of wearing a Bernie Madoff special… even if not fake.

  8. masteroftheuniverse
    November 16, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    Anyone want to buy a never used ring from Harry Winston?

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