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More bathroom humor…

October 6, 2009

Rocky received the following letter (actual fax image below) from the  Bemis Toilet Seat Manufacturing Company. As always, readers are cautioned to read the Disclaimer before making any investment (or other) decisions.

[From the Bemis Manufacturing Company, Sheboygan Falls, Wisconsin]

June 27, 2007

Dear Mr. Humbert:

Your recent faxed inquiry regarding the Model 400 and Model 450 was forwarded to me by our Director of (Toilet) Training, and as the executive responsible for the development of both the Model 400 and Model 450, I feel an urgent need to set the record straight.

(1) The Model 400 series of Comfort Receptacles were a seminal breakthrough achievement in bowel elimination technology

While to an untrained eye, it may just be a “toilet seat,” in reality, the Model 400 incorporates more than three dozen proprietary technological advancements, 17 patents, and it includes our trade-marked Anus Sensitivity System ®. 

Having carefully modeled the buttocks of more than 12,000 men, women and children of varying ethnic and religious groups, we designed the Model 400 using the latest 3-D CAD/CAM methods, and optimized for both comfort and functionality. 

Perhaps you are familiar with the  phenomenon of Bounce Back which occurs when a particularly large piece of feces drops into the water and causes an unpleasant splash.  Well, due to our breakthrough work, for users of the Model 400, Bounce Back is just an unpleasant memory.

(2) The Model 450 takes the Model 400 to the next level.  Incorporating high strength carbon fibre composite (the same material in race cars and the space shuttle), the Model 450 was originally designed for the British market, where constipation is widespread; and where the extra strength of our Comfort Receptacle is not a luxury.  It’s a necessity.

I apologize if you were confused about the warranty and pricing information provided by my associate; rest assured that,  the men of Bemis proudly stand behind every urinal (and toilet) that we sell.

Sincerely yours,

Robert S. Buttovsky, PhD

Vice President and Director of Research & Development

 

 

 

 

bevis

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  1. October 6, 2009 at 12:57 pm

    LOL, it can’t be, that can’t be real, tell me I’m a fool for even thinking for a second that’s real.

  2. fatbear
    October 6, 2009 at 2:49 pm

    C’mon Rocky, is Buttovsky related to Won Hung Lo?

  3. October 6, 2009 at 7:28 pm

    Ok I’m a fool.

    I didn’t even see the “Doctor’s” name.

    Fake faxed letters, really Rocky.

  4. October 6, 2009 at 8:11 pm

    Damn.. it appears some latent British DNA in me is… coming to the surface… 😉

  5. October 6, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    And BTW, that last name on the memo should not be interpreted as “proof” of a hoax. “Crap” and “crapper” are in our lexicon because of Sir Thomas Crapper’s contributions to indoor toilets.

    http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/factoid1/p/thomas_crapper.htm

  6. October 9, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    PhD = piled higher and deeper! (This from a guy who has a B.S. in literature.)

  7. October 9, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    > a B.S. in literature.

    And where did that degree come from? B.S. is Bachelor of Science; literature is a part of the arts, so it should be a B.A.

  8. October 10, 2009 at 6:31 am

    @Spencercourt: FYI – Professor Bacon is a graduate of Caltech — where the liberal arts are considered part of the sciences 😉 In contrast, Rocky is a Yalie, where Engineering was considered part of the Liberal Arts.

    Most importantly, didn’t your Kindergarten teacher explain, “Never contradict the teacher.!”

  1. October 7, 2009 at 10:54 pm
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