Home > General > Toilet sabotage: An attack on the home throne

Toilet sabotage: An attack on the home throne

October 4, 2009

toiletbolt1Rocky returned home from the office on Friday to discover his toilet voiding itself onto the floor.

Remarkably, both bolts that connect the water tank to the bowl failed simultaneously. Rocky’s water is slightly acidic, but to a sensibly paranoid observer, this WAS NO ACCIDENT.

Rocky surmises that one of his enemies planned to cut the brake lines of his car — but got tired of waiting in the rain. Hence, the evil-doer broke into Rocky’s house and cut the toilet bolts instead. This was a direct affront to Rocky’s “throne.” (A less plausible explanation is a manufacturing defect.)

Rest(room) assured, Rocky will remain especially “vigilant,” until the culprit is apprehended and/or his toilet is repaired.

[Disclosure: This was a seven-year-old Kallista Stafford Two-Piece Toilet, Model P70022. Customer service is closed on weekends.]

  1. ld
    October 5, 2009 at 11:51 pm

    Sorry to hear the bad news! Does Rocky have homeowner insurance coverage for such a disaster? I have heard of entire bathroom and house remodels done as a result of such devastating events. When it comes to thrones, something like the one piece Toto UltraMax Toilet, 1.6 GPF with SanaGloss with its G-Max system might deserve consideration. 🙂 No issues to report so far but it has only been five years.

  2. allocator
    October 5, 2009 at 11:55 pm

    There you go again with the bathroom humour, Rocky. Good-looking couple of dead-bolts though. Even lined paper for scale. Now with a police chalk line around the expired toilet and yellow tape securing the bathroom doorway, your conspiracy investigation is good to go.


  3. Mr. Smith
    October 6, 2009 at 8:04 am

    Rocky: Could you explain the contents of the picture. I remain mystified. Did you lock the door to keep the cat away?

  4. October 6, 2009 at 11:03 am

    George: The team from CSI observed that the bolts show tell-tale signs of shear, as opposed to the any signs of saw marks. The CSI team also observed that the lack of corrosion on the bolt heads prove acidic water is not to blame. The CSI team concluded that the most likely explanation is either a faulty installation and/or a 700 pound gorilla rocking back-and-force. (Rocky will now explore the possibility that cellphone radiation causes metal fatigue. Of course, he’s already suffering from mental fatigue…)

    LD: Unlike your excellent suggestion regarding Verizon FIOS, a toilet is a very personal decision. Rocky will be soon post a remarkable letter he received from the Bemis toilet seat company … which you will enjoy.

  5. October 6, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    Mr Smith:
    Having spoken to a most-friendly representative of the Kallista Corporation, the proper nomenclature is a “Tank/Bowl Attachment Bolt,” Part number P005924-K-00001.

    The representative, a 12-year veteran of the company, informed Rocky that she has NEVER before heard of such a catastrophic failure — and she is sending a replacement kit (via FedEx) at no charge.

    This revelation only reinforces Rocky’s suspicions of toilet sabotage.

    There is no evidence to suggest that The Cat was responsible; but Rocky thanks you for your thoughtful comment, and he will investigate any and all leads.

  6. October 6, 2009 at 8:16 pm

    You need a “modern” toilet, the kind with plastic bolts that do not corrode. That’s what I have. And it is over 20 years old. Still going strong too. The “non-green” kind with lots of water capacity. Those “low water” flush kinds are nasty.

  1. No trackbacks yet.
Comments are closed.
%d bloggers like this: