Oceanfront luxury for under $1,000
“Gentle sea breezes, warm sunshine and the sound of the ocean surf,” were the minimum requirements for Trophy Wife’s dream beach house.
Rocky doesn’t like the ocean. (He says, “If man were meant to swim, he’d have webbed fingers and toes.)
Rocky doesn’t like the sun. (His friends call him The Vampire, since he rarely ventures out before sunset.)
Rocky doesn’t like warm weather. (He wears the same heavy charcoal-colored British wool sweater. Every day.)
Nonetheless, Rocky, a dutiful spouse, recently visited Miami Beach, and toured beachfront properties. Rocky concluded that even in this horrible real estate market, suitable beach houses were not a “bargain” at several million dollars. More importantly, they were only 10% to 20% below the peak price.
Always the miserly arbitrageur, Rocky fired up his laptop and started googling….
Gentle Sea Breezes
The Aloha Breeze White Tower Fan ($35.00)
The Smell of the Ocean
Air Wick Ocean Breeze Liquid Air Freshener ($4.97)
StayTanNorth Deluxe Tabletop Tanner ($169.99)
The Sound of the Surf
Ecotones Adaptive Sound Therapy Machine ($299)
Walk to the Beach
Membership at the YMCA ($460)
Total cost: $968.96
“So you can have all the benefits of a Florida beach house, for under a thousand dollars,” Rocky excitedly showed Trophy Wife. “What do you think?”
“I think you should go jump in a lake,” Trophy Wife replied.