Waffles and Investing

The Hampton Inns hotel chain recently  added  personal waffle makers to its breakfast buffets in 1,800 hotels, and this provides Rocky with  a new research project. See story here: http://news.travel.aol.com/2010/06/17/hampton-inn-officially-adds-waffles/

Behavior Finance is already a ”hot”  topic,  and the spread of do-it-yourself waffle bars enables Rocky to introduce the world to “Culinary Finance” — an interdisciplinary endeavor that studies the duality of dough in one’s wallet and dough in one’s oven.  Rocky made this connection while staying at a hotel chain whose room deodorizers emit a fragrance not-found in the natural world.

[For submission to the Journal of Finance]

ABSTRACT- This paper studies the relationship between self-made waffle success and self-made financial success based on three random visits to a Hamptons Inn Hotel Chain Complimentary Breakfast Buffet during July, 2010.   We demonstrate that waffle results predict investment results with statistical significance. Previous research demonstrated that a “Watched Pot Never Boils” (M. Mother (1920), however, this is the first paper to extend those results to a “watched waffle iron.”

We identify several classes of waffle failure:  (1) Early exit resulting in an undercooked waffle; (2) Late exit — resulting in a burned waffle; (3) Systemic Waffle Iron failure/stickiness.  We demonstrate that these three conditions also arise in investing (early exit/late exit/no exit); and may be a metaphor for Goldilocks and the Three Bears.

The paper observes that the most successful waffle users (1) read the directions before pouring batter; (2) stay at the machine’s side for all of the 2 minute and 30 second cooking period; (3) are not distracted by impatient spouses.  Men wearing short pants had the highest success rate. Women carrying Fendi purses and wearing tight white pants had the lowest success rate. 

[Disclosures: The results are preliminary and have not been independently verified. Because the waffle iron "beeps" annoyingly after the cooking  is finished, Rocky excluded deaf people from the study. There is no relation between Warren Buffet and Breakfast Buffet.]

A blizzard in July

Celebrating the 25th Anniversity of the Dairy Queen Blizzard, Rocky, Trophy Wife and the entire Humbert Clan trekked to parts unknown — and located Dairy Queen Restaurant #1. (It’s unclear why they call themselves “#1,” since the first DQ was actually in Joliet, Illinois. But DQ #1 sounds better than DQ #3904).

The evening was hot and muggy. The line was long. Men, women, children, and dogs (see top picture) waited patiently for their frozen treats.

This would be Rocky’s very first Blizzard without a down parka and snow shovel, and so he researched the history and protocol in advance. He knew that the Blizzard had originally been named “The Concrete Blizzard,” and it required the development of new high-powered mixer technology. (See: http://www.blizzardfanclub.com/behind-the-blizzard/ ) He also knew that Blizzards were traditionally served upside-down, with the counterperson using both hands.

Rocky watched with baited breath as the friendly teenage counterperson mixed the vanilla softserve with Reese’s Pieces and transferred the gelatinous creation to a bright red cup. But his anticipation turned to dismay as the counterperson handed Rocky the cup right-side- up!

“Aren’t you supposed to serve a Blizzard upside-down?” asked Rocky.

“I can do that if you’d like, Sir,” said the lad.

“Yes, please. That’s supposed to be the way it’s done,” said Rocky. “I saw it on TV.”

“Ok, then,” said the lad.

“You kids have no respect for tradition!” said Rocky gruffly.

Rocky paused — and then realized — that “times they are a-changin.” Rocky said to the lad, “”Can you please hold that Blizzard the right-way, and let me get a picture of this for my scrapbook?”

[Disclosure: Rocky owns stock in Berkshire Hathaway Corporation, the corporate parent of Dairy Queen.]