Celebrating the 25th Anniversity of the Dairy Queen Blizzard, Rocky, Trophy Wife and the entire Humbert Clan trekked to parts unknown — and located Dairy Queen Restaurant #1. (It’s unclear why they call themselves “#1,” since the first DQ was actually in Joliet, Illinois. But DQ #1 sounds better than DQ #3904).
The evening was hot and muggy. The line was long. Men, women, children, and dogs (see top picture) waited patiently for their frozen treats.
This would be Rocky’s very first Blizzard without a down parka and snow shovel, and so he researched the history and protocol in advance. He knew that the Blizzard had originally been named “The Concrete Blizzard,” and it required the development of new high-powered mixer technology. (See: http://www.blizzardfanclub.com/behind-the-blizzard/ ) He also knew that Blizzards were traditionally served upside-down, with the counterperson using both hands.
Rocky watched with baited breath as the friendly teenage counterperson mixed the vanilla softserve with Reese’s Pieces and transferred the gelatinous creation to a bright red cup. But his anticipation turned to dismay as the counterperson handed Rocky the cup right-side- up!
“Aren’t you supposed to serve a Blizzard upside-down?” asked Rocky.
“I can do that if you’d like, Sir,” said the lad.
“Yes, please. That’s supposed to be the way it’s done,” said Rocky. “I saw it on TV.”
“Ok, then,” said the lad.
“You kids have no respect for tradition!” said Rocky gruffly.
Rocky paused — and then realized — that “times they are a-changin.” Rocky said to the lad, “”Can you please hold that Blizzard the right-way, and let me get a picture of this for my scrapbook?”
[Disclosure: Rocky owns stock in Berkshire Hathaway Corporation, the corporate parent of Dairy Queen.]
Moments later, Rocky looks out his window to see melting snow and a half-dozen white-tailed deer. Rocky utters (with Buffett-esque solemnity,) “It’s only after the snow melts that you see all the deer poop on your lawn.”
Buffett’s letter makes interesting reading, and one paragraph catches Rocky’s eye: “The [likely consequence] of once-unthinkable dosages [of massive government action] is an onslaught of inflation.”
Rocky already owns some TIPS (Inflation-Protected Bonds), gold and other tangible assets. He wants something BIGGER, BETTER and TAX-FREE. Especially with savings accounts yielding a cool 0.0%.
Rocky drives to the post office and buys a massive speculative long position in “Forever” Postage Stamps. (The post office clerk must have thought that Rocky was laundering cash. But he was too polite to ask questions.)
Forever stamps are valid first-class postage regardless of the nominal price. Assuming that postage continues to keep pace (or exceed) inflation, this investment will compound tax-free (unlike the TIPS), and can be lawfully sold at premium to original cost.
If inflation really gets out of control, it’s likely the Post Office will cease issuance of the Forever stamps, the stamps will become priceless “collector’s items,” and Rocky will have scored a home run. Rocky’s stop-loss: becoming a junk mail distributor.