Rocky is a rabid sports fan. He dislikes baseball, football and basketball. He is lukewarm towards tennis, golf and skiing. He finds bowling, archery and snooker boring. He loathes cricket.
The reason Rocky is a rabid sports fan is his passion for competitive dog shows.
Nothing tops the excitement of watching elderly matrons trot around an astro-turf covered ring, dodging excrement from lesser-bred brethren — all while keeping the leash tighter than a bodice that Madonna might wear during a book signing.
Yesterday the stock market fell almost 400 points. A Dog Day came as no surprise since Westminster Kennel Club representative David Freit rang the Nasdaq Closing Bell. Frei was at the Nasdaq to publicize the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show Finale. To be aired live, in prime time.
As Rocky wolfed down a few hot dogs, and his wife ate leftover Chinese food from a doggy bag, the Humbert family sat transfixed in front of their not-HD television. The tension was palpable as a Scottish deerhound named Tiger Woods outmaneuvered a Puli with dreadlocks that hairless Rocky can only dream about.
Well, not the whole family.
“Dad, can I watch American Idol?” asked Rocky’s daughter.
Rocky swallowed his mouthful of Bud Light and hastily replied, “No way. We’re coming to the best part. Best of Show.”
Rocky knocked over his beer bottle in a fit of ecstasy as he viewed the show’s climax. The winner: A previously retired 10-year old Sussex Spaniel named Stump. (Yes, the dog had all four legs.)
A 10-year-old dog is 70 years old in human years. This dog was the oldest winner in the 133-year history of Westminster!
As Rocky drinks his morning coffee and plans his day, he already feels younger.
Rocky suddenly realized that Obama’s executive pay cap may be a conspiracy orchestrated by the Boston Red Sox.
The plan caps salaries at $500,000 for executives at firms that accept “extraordinary assistance” from the government.
It turns out that the New York Yankees can be included in this category.
From Jim Dwyer’s NY Times article on 1/9/09:
“Now, beyond all sense or sensibility, the New York Yankees have appeared with a request for $370 million in new taxpayer-backed financing for a new baseball stadium that will open in April.
This is more. New. In addition to. On top of the $942 million in previous financing, and $660 million that the city is pitching in to replace parkland sacrificed for the new stadium and transportation improvements.
What is the team going to spend the new $370 million on?
Here are some items on the submission filed with the city’s Industrial Development Agency: $10.5 million for “suite level upgrades,” and $5 million more for “public washroom upgrades,” and $1.1 million to “upgrade suite seats, field seats” and areas where disabled fans will sit. For a better sound and television system in the building, new mounts and screens, a video system and scoreboard, they want $34 million. And $3.9 million for “extensive cabling necessary to accommodate multiple, domestic and international broadcasters.” To enclose the press box and build a dining room for employees, they’re going to spend $3 million. They also plan to spend $137 million for “food and beverage build out.”
Alex Rodriguez tops the MLB salary table at $28 million per year. The average MLB player now earns $3 million per year. If the Yankees were forced to cut A-Rod’s pay to “only” $500k, he would presumably move to a higher-paying team that receives no government funds. Alternatively, if every MLB franchise had a $500k cap, fewer people would choose baseball as a career, and the quality of the game would suffer.
It’s easy to see why, when the government starts setting salary limits, it’s a slippery slope. With unintended consequences.
The Curse of The Bambino may have been broken. But it is being replaced with a new curse.