Rocky calculates that, over a lifetime, re-using his plastic fork should save nearly $1,000. Based on Fidelity’s retirement website, this amount should compound into $10,000 if invested 100% in stocks.
Sadly, a calamity just occurred. The tensile strength of Lean Cusine #17113 (“Asian-Style Pot Stickers”) exceeded the strength of Plastic Fork #15072-CC. A dramatic, violent and frightening fork fracture ensued. (See photo.)
The Lean Cuisine description reads, “Tender dumplings filed with a blend of chicken, cabbage, onion and carrots.” Rocky believes that “tender” is a mischaracterization, and he’s consulting with legal counsel to investigate whether a class action lawsuit should be filed.
[Disclosure: The Lean Cuisine box fine print also states: "CAUTION: Do not prepare in a toaster oven. A reheated plastic tray can warp or melt." Rocky suggests that Lean Cuisine should add the warning: "Always wear eye protection when using plastic cutlery."]
Rocky’s teenage daughter hosted a sleep-over party for several of her girlfriends on Saturday night. For entertainment after dinner, the girls purchased a video-on-demand movie. Out of 16,000 possible FIOS choices, the girls selected the original Wizard of Oz.
After the movie, the girls discussed the fact that Buddy Epsen was supposed to be Tin Man, but was replaced after the metal-colored makeup triggered an episode of allergic anaphylactic shock. (Yes, they really called it “anaphylactic shock”!)
Rocky watched the interaction with amusement, and pondered “Have the 1950′s returned?”
[Disclosure: Rocky's daughter also cracked the "secret code" to the Verizon FIOS Video-on-Demand access screen. When next month's bill arrives, Rocky will discover whether less savory films have been ordered as well.]