A trader’s best friend

Rocky is a rabid sports fan. He dislikes baseball, football and basketball. He is lukewarm towards tennis, golf and skiing. He finds bowling, archery and snooker boring. He loathes cricket.

The reason Rocky is a rabid sports fan is his passion for competitive dog shows.

Nothing tops the excitement of watching elderly matrons trot around an astro-turf covered ring, dodging excrement from lesser-bred brethren — all while keeping the leash tighter than a bodice that Madonna might wear during a book signing.

Yesterday the stock market fell almost 400 points. A Dog Day came as no surprise since Westminster Kennel Club representative David Freit rang the Nasdaq Closing Bell. Frei was at the Nasdaq to publicize the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show Finale. To be aired live, in prime time.

As Rocky wolfed down a few hot dogs, and his wife ate leftover Chinese food from a doggy bag, the Humbert family sat transfixed in front of their not-HD television. The tension was palpable as a Scottish deerhound named Tiger Woods outmaneuvered a Puli with dreadlocks that hairless Rocky can only dream about.

Well, not the whole family.

“Dad, can I watch American Idol?” asked Rocky’s daughter.

Rocky swallowed his mouthful of Bud Light and hastily replied, “No way. We’re coming to the best part. Best of Show.”

Rocky knocked over his beer bottle in a fit of ecstasy as he viewed the show’s climax. The winner: A previously retired 10-year old Sussex Spaniel named Stump. (Yes, the dog had all four legs.)

A 10-year-old dog is 70 years old in human years. This dog was the oldest winner in the 133-year history of Westminster!

As Rocky drinks his morning coffee and plans his day, he already feels younger.