Citibank doesn’t want my money! (Vikram Pandit meet William Safire)
Rocky reports that his Citibank teller just refused to deposit a check drawn on Wachovia Bank. The check was in the amount of “Twenty-Nine Hundred Dollars,” and the teller politely informed Rocky that she would only accept the check if it read “Two Thousand Nine Hundred Dollars.”
Rocky offers the following explanations for this bizarre experience:
1) Congress revised the Uniform Commercial Code last week. Rocky missed the announcement because he was the only customer shopping at Sears. At Sears, Rocky bought large garbage bags which he heard were “too big to fail.”
2) The Federal Reserve replaced the US Dollar with Itunes Cards. (If true, Rocky happily offers his daughter’s Britney Spears CD in trade for foreclosed real estate.)
2) Rocky is a dinosaur. Noone writes checks anymore.
3) George W. Bush signed the “No Child Left Behind” Law. He missed one child. (She’s a teller with Citibank.)
4) Citi discourages investments with “strings attached” … such as a depositor who, one day, might actually want his money back . Government TARP funds have no such strings.